For each time I run, each time I stretch my muscle out, I knew that it'll bring me to places. I am quite excel on wrestling. Yeap, you hear me.
See, gifted people usually come with inferiority. It is like baggage you know. Me? I have social anxiety. I don't know man, ever since I was a child I always be this short tempered one, I always push people down the line. I do not have friends except my twin brothers.
He is so different. He is the one who always smile to people, being the center of attention. Sometimes when we talked together, I feel like he is seeing straight through me. Especially when it comes to public gathering sort of thing. Although, it also happened several times at home, trains, buses, when it is just the two of us.
That is all changed when I decided to join a solo wrestling competition. I have told you that I have social anxiety, right, joining a joint wrestling team was not just for me, so I quit and here I am at the center of the arena. Fighting. Letting someone tear my muscle apart. Funny thing is, I am doing this for attention. His attention.
I love to see his eyes sparks every time I win the match. I love to see his wide-opened mouth when I punch my opponent in the face. Hell, I just love it when I am not that invisible anymore.
I train myself. Become a very good one, so that it will matter. At least for him. Many people take this the wrong way. I get so many invitation for scholarship for athletes and such. I cannot do that. Like what is the point of all things when I have to be separated with my twin. However, my parents do not think so. They push me to do this and that, to accept this and that, saying that it would be useful for my future.
Future my ass.
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Suddenly everything becomes so boring, like I do not know why did I pursue this from the first time.
Now, back to the arena. It has been my habit since day one to see where my brother is during the championship. I am tracing every inch of the arena just to find nothing. Why does it bother me so much? I cannot concentrate until I see him sitting there with his girlfriend. I hate her.
And once again I become invisible.
My brother often gives me a rain check because his girlfriend does not really like to watch a wrestle match. Too much violence to take, she said the other day. Indeed, she is a delicate girl. With ponytail bouncing every time she walks. I hate every single thing about her. Her scent of vanilla kills me. I hate it when she nags and cuddles herself in my brother's arm. Ones that are used to be mine.
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Today, I am letting my rage build a cocoon around me and punch my opponent in the heartburn. It makes him out in the first round. Everyone cheers at me, not with me, cause he is not here.
Then, after all of the jibjab about my winning and the give and take of all my trophies and scholarship, I make a promise to myself that tonight I will go to my brother's room and keep him close no matter what. At least, that is the only thing I can do before leaving home for college.
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He finally comes home after midnight, another dating session apparently. I stand by his door and hear his voice cracks the eerie silence "What's with you", he said, followed by tight embrace that I long. It's been a long time since we hugged each other that close.
Gasping for air I am finally trying to release myself from that goddamn tight hug and shrug "Err..nothing, I just, miss you I guess".
After all, I think, he still the same old boy that I used to hang out with.
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Two a.m.
I am still lying awake at my bed. I think it is impossible to keep him like that all the time (especially, when I have to go all the way across the country in a month). I decided to check on him one last time before sleep.
I open his door.
There is a strange iron-y smell lingers all over the room. I call his name. No answer.
I decide to open the wardrobe cause it seems like there is a leaking faucet there, strange, I must say. And when I finally have the guts to open that door, there lies my brother -- or do I have to say, the downright part of my brother. With muffled scream, I find a note beside his wrecked body with beautiful handwriting and vanilla scent "Mine, my property, nobody's but me".
I suddenly loose my ability to run like I have never run before.
Standing.
Still.
Until my parents find me in the morning.
Still.
Standing there.
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